Purity: A growth process?

My niece was born this week, greeted with great joy and anticipation.  Only a few days old, she is a tiny person.  How quickly will her human nature lead her into sin?

My nephew is 2 1/2, and I marvel at how he already knows right from wrong.  His little face gives away when he lies or does something he knows he isn’t supposed to.  

How quickly we move from innocence to knowledge of right and wrong!  I was marveling at how the challenges my niece and nephew face are the same but different than the ones I face.  My nephew has likely not struggled with impure thoughts, but he does have an active imagination.  My niece hasn’t yet learned to talk let alone tell a lie, but she can “fake” a cry to get attention.

Reflecting on my past, I realize how the struggle to remain pure is an ongoing process, and attainable only through the grace of God.  As I age, the choices I have to make change.  As a single woman, the choice to remain pure becomes easier at times (practice may make perfect), but more difficult with each passing year and the potential “loss” of husband & children I wanted to have.  Yet, I am sure He has a plan for my life, and my job is to be content in that knowledge.

How wonderful it is that His Grace is new every morning, and though our sins are as scarlet, He will make them white as snow.

New Year’s Resolutions?

I don’t do new year’s resolutions.  I find it rather unproductive to make a goal just once a year.  That said, I do reflect on how the year went and what changes I’d like to see in the next few months.

One of my goals since NaNoWriMo is to write more regularly – both on my creative writing projects and on my blogs.  So far, I’ve done pretty well through the month of December in posting more regularly.  Hopefully, I will be able to finish one of my projects by mid-February.  It seemed doable before Christmas, but now in the doldrums, I’m not so sure.

Another project I’ve been working on is volunteering more regularly.  I have a few places that I have volunteered, but I’d like to add more time to those projects or find some additional ones.  

I have a number of books to read and need to get back to a more regular devotional time.  I also have a few movies I own that I have never watched.  I’ve made some progress to get through the stack, but a long way to go.

Finally, I’d like to work exercise more regularly into my schedule.  I started this in late November.  It will take some discipline, but I need to remember that I feel better after doing it. (And eat better food too.).

Gomer: Unfaithfulness to Redemption

Gomer was the daughter of Diblaim and the wife of Hosea.  We know she had at least three children (2 sons and a daughter)

Of the marriage relationships in the Bible, Gomer and Hosea have one of the most interesting and most controversial. 

Hosea 1:2 states that “The Lord said to [Hosea], “Go, take to yourself an adulterous wife and children of unfaithfulness, because the land is guilty of the vilest adultery in departing from the Lord.”  So Hosea married Gomer. 

Apparently God not only had a partner selected for Hosea, He specifically directed him to her.  However, the rest of their relationship would not be as simple as a God-given direction.

Commentators have differences of opinion on Gomer’s morality.  Is she a woman who marries, then falls into a sexual relationship with another man?  Was she a prostitute?   Or was she just  a sexually active unmarried woman?  Did Hosea know she had a “morally casual attitude?” Did she have children at the time of the marriage?  Or is this all allegory to make the people understand God’s analogy of their unfaithfulness to Him?

The debate comes from the fact that God’s word admonishes  priests from marrying prostitutes.  We recoil from the idea that God commanded his servant to marry someone clearly not up to God’s standards.  Hosea was not a priest, rather a prophet, but he is commanded by God to marry Gomer, who at the least had a shaky moral reputation.

In any event, Gomer’s lack of fidelity is on display for generations and generations.  She has a son with Hosea, then two more children – with questionable paternity.  Eventually, she and Hosea separate.  Hosea must purchase her back from another for 15  sheckels of silver (the cost of a slave) and some barley.

Grim and frustrating as it is, Gomer’s story is a wonderful one for us:  God loves us just as Hosea loved Gomer.  God stands ready to redeem us from our slavery to sin.  He will pursue us until He lures us back to Himself. 

Even though we are as unfaithful to God as Gomer was to Hosea, God wants a loving relationship with us.  Amazing!

Classic Films

As I write this, I’m watching a great movie, “Mr. Smith Goes to Washington.”  I’ve watched it several times, but am always drawn in by the story, the actors, and the scenery. 

I find myself somewhat an oddity in my circles.  I’m a classic film buff, and am more comfortable talking about films from the 20’s, 30’s, 40’s or 50’s.  My friends couldn’t tell you whether Clark Gable was in Gone with the Wind or not and have no idea who Barbara Stanwyck was.  Jimmy Stewart, Cary Grant, Vivian Leigh and Ava Gardner are barely blips on their radar.

On the other hand, I get suckered into Rogers- Astaire film fests on AMC or TCM.  I love pre-Hayes Code films (and am shocked at how close to a modern film they are with sexuality and violence).  Give me a good Alfred Hitchcock movie over M. Night Shyamalan flick any day.

The winds outside are howling as the somewhat predicted blizzard hits.  Which is fine with me, as long as the “Essential Movie” tonight is an old favorite!

Virginity: Turn On or Turn Off?

A few days ago, I was reading an online dating profile which indicated that the writer was only interested in dating women who were virgins.   Given that he was in his mid-30’s, I pondered how many women his own age were replying. 

So I wondered:  Is a mid-thirties something woman who is a virgin a sought after commodity or does the mention of virginity scare off potential dates?

In junior high and high school, I recall schoolyard gossip about who had done “it” and who had not.  Some seemed to go to great lengths to dispatch their virginity by ignoring safety, choosing undesirable dates, and seducing their prom dates.  But as I’ve aged, this topic of discussion has fallen to the wayside.  I assume that most single people I meet have some sort of sexual experience – even though I run in some fairly conservative circles.  Perhaps I’m not being fair to them and under estimating their restraint?

Does religious persuasion play a role in the view of virginity?  In other words, is it more socially acceptable to be a middle aged virgin if you have religious reasons for it or can you just want to wait for “the one”? 

Is it more socially acceptable  to be a female virgin than a male virgin?  Do people, particularly men,  who haven’t had sexual experience just fail to mention it to their partners until it is no longer an issue?

And what happens if your date announces that they have never had sex?  Is it a turn on or a turn off?

Would it be more flattering to be the person they chose to have sex with or is it more nerve racking? 

What if the date told you there would be no sex until marriage?  Do you need to have sex with someone to determine compatibility?  Or should you be elated that there is no comparison to how the prior significant others in their life did it?  

Is virginity a sign that the person will be more faithful?

If sex is so important, then what will you be doing when the sex drive slows down – in 20 or 30 years?  In the long run aren’t companionship and friendship more important? 

Not easy questions to answer, and not something you think about every day.  But should the virgins among us wear it as a badge, or is there good reason to hide their status?

Writing: Work, Pleasure or Life Essential?

I spent the month of November participating in National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo).  The object of NaNo is to write a 50,000 word novel within 30 days.

I’m glad to report I was successful at writing my novel within the 30 days, and (miracle of miracles) it was over 50,000 words. 

What did I learn during that time?  First, that I am more than just my job.  I tend to define myself as merely my occupation, and I let people define me as merely that as well.  But I am more than that title.  There are other facets to my life.

Next, I can set goals and meet them.  New Year’s is coming up, and people make a break resolutions within a short period of time.  I don’t make resolutions, but my success at achieving this goal has given me more courage to tackle a few other goals.  As such, I’ve joined the gym.

I reaffirmed that I am a creative person.  How easily this falls to the side when I’m consumed by daily life is astonishing.

But that creativity takes discipline and work.  Is writing work, and therefore something I let slide during the rest of the year?  Or is writing something I enjoy doing and make time for in my schedule?  Or is it something more than that – something I need to do? 

Communication with others; dreaming through a plot and characters; living the life of Walter Mitty vicariously?

I haven’t sorted through all those issues yet.  But I am planning to make writing a more “scheduled event” in my life – even if it is solely for my enjoyment.

Rumors, Lies, and Sex at Work

I’ve never been one to put much stock in gossip.  Since I grew up in a small town, I know that people are constantly talking about you whether you’re doing anything talk-worthy or not. 

But it still came as a shock to find out that the “hot” gossip the past month has been about an affair I’m having with my boss.

The problem – I’m not having an affair with my boss. 

Ironically, my boss heard the rumor first and told me.  He’s furious at the person who started the rumor and isn’t sure what, if any, punishment to mete out. 

The two of us have been working the past month on a big project, hence spending lots of time at work and after hours working.  We knew each other before we worked together and have always had an easy companionship.  But it has never, ever, been a romantic relationship.  In fact, I set him up with his girlfriend of several years.

So how do you disprove something that isn’t true?  Especially when the one who started the lie appears to have inside knowledge – at least to those listening.

The rumor has the ability to make me examine every interaction I have with my boss – should I work late because he’s here and it looks like a potential rendezvous?  Should we ever meet behind closed doors?  What if we share a joke?  

Somehow becoming paranoid does not seem like a great solution – and I doubt it will change the mind of those who want to believe the rumor is true.  A harsh cutback of our interaction may look more like guilt than a denial that it never happened.

On the other hand, the rumor/lie has me looking at my behavior at work.  What about how I interact with my co-workers would lead someone to believe that I would encourage another to cheat on their significant other?  Is the fact that I’m reluctant to discuss my dating life adding fuel to the fire?  Why does everyone have to know all my business or else I’m hiding something?  

 I’m not sure what the next step is – do I adamantly deny the affair to the ones who believe it?  Do I ignore it?  Should I confront the one spreading the lies (who of course will deny it)?  Is finding and flaunting a new boyfriend the right answer?  

Abortion: Hate the Messenger?

A Pro-Life group organized a demonstration today in my town at a busy intersection.  The demonstration consisted of several 3 foot by 5 foot signs bearing images of aborted fetuses/ children.  Each road coming into the intersection had at least three of these boards, and on each corner a person leafletted the cars as they stopped at the light.

I was rather frustrated by this demonstration.  Not because I am Pro-Abortion, as I am staunchly Pro-Life, but because the method of conveying the Pro-Life message was too gruesome.  At least in my book.

The first thought I had was what would a woman who had regrets about her abortion think?  It is too late to unring the bell.  Would this be more likely to push her into the Pro-Life camp or would she become entrenched in the Pro-Choice camp.  This certainly wasn’t a compassionate message.  Startling and shocking are more apt descriptions.

Then I thought about all the women who have been trying for years to have a child.  What would they think of these posters of dissected children?  Would they view abortion in the same context. 

My next thought was that not many people would change their opinion on this issue based on this display and it may do more harm than good.

However, these people do feel so  passionate about this issue that they were willing to spend time drawing attention to it.  And spent money preparing poster boards and flyers.

Although I am still upset by the demonstration, Who am I to say that their message is ineffective?  Maybe they make a difference in one person’s mind.  And maybe that is enough.

Good Friday Thoughts

Tonight I celebrated Good Friday services at my church.  I remember when I was growing up that we typically celebrated Maundy Thursday instead.  Sometimes, I think that the pomp and circumstance of the Catholic celebration of Holy week may be closer to what we should all be doing.  The problem is that after a few years of celebrating that way, it would become rote as well.

I know that my focus is to be on Jesus’s death and the turmoil that the disciples were feeling.  It mirrors the confusion non-believers feel.  But since I know how it ends, it is difficult to feel the depths of despair Peter, John, and the rest felt. 

Can you imagine how excited, elated even, satan and his henchmen felt after Jesus died?  God’s best shot to redeem men was dead, an apparent failure.  What plans he must have made!  Did he taunt God?   Did he view it as his way to buy his way into heaven with a trade of mankind? 

Then what happened when he realized Jesus had won?  Was he paralyzed by fear?  Did the full consequences of his treason fall upon him?

 My questions will not be answered in this life time.  But I may get them answered some day in heaven.  Or maybe I’ll be too busy praising the lamb that was slain to worry about it.

Science proves Men are Clueless about Women?

A new study found that men are “somewhat oblivious” to the emotional subtleties of non-verbal cues.  In essence, men have a hard time determining whether a woman is merely being friendly or if she is after something more.

The study, conducted by Indiana University’s Department of Psychological and Brain Sciences, showed photographs to 280 college students, with an average age of 20.  Students viewed the photos on a computer and had to categorize them as Friendly, Sexually Interested, Sad or Rejecting. 

Women were able to correctly categorize more images, while the men tended to categorize friendly images as sexually interested.  However, the men also tended to categorize the sexually interested images as friendly. 

First, I’m not certain this study does what it says it does.   I’m sure it will be peer reviewed in the future, but I would think the images could be manipulated to get the result you want from the study.  The main issue is who selected the images, and how clear were the photos in depicting the emotions.  Flat photos do not translate the full meaning like an interaction with someone does. 

On the other hand, men and women do have radically different methods of communicating.  We women tend to be more concerned with how others view us – whether male or female.  When dealing with men, most women will attempt to soft sell bad news (I don’t like you) and think that men should pick up on the hints she drops that she likes him (we talked for 2 hours).  Men, on the other hand, tend to be more direct and reserved. 

Sure, there are players on both sides of the field who are just in it for self-gratification or the most conquests, but the majority are honestly trying to figure things out.

Add to the mix popular culture which sends out  mixed messages daily about how to do this or how to do that.  The popularity of books like “The Rules” and “He’s Really Not Into You” highlight and cause some of the confusion. 

Other than widening the divide, I’m not sure this study really tells us anything, other than what we already know:  Each of us could do a better job communicating with each other.

So, when you are out on that date this weekend, just remember she/he may clueless about what you are trying to communicate!