if more people in our society considered and discussed abortion with that type of acknowledgement and consideration for human life… abortion would become less common and less of a “trendy” choice- that the pro-choice side has made it out to be.

Churches enjoy, I think, seeing their congregants get married and have children, but that kind of attitude is inevitable and also commendable. I would much rather the church advocate family and marriage, encouraging singles that direction, than to buy into the career-woman mentality of our culture today. But whatever the church may say, it truly comes down to the attitude of the single attendee. If her attitude is that she is being ‘excluded’, then she will always view herself as being treated that way; however if her attitude is focused on serving others in whatever venues the church offers, she won’t have the feeling of exclusion because she is not thinking about herself — something today’s Christian and non-Christian single are very accomplished in.

For example, I’ve been in churches that have so much emphasis on mothers or wives like a “mother’s tea” (which excludes the childless) or a “Couples” event (which excludes singles, widows, divorced etc), that one would be left to believe that one of the 10 commandments is to get married and have a kid, or else!

By recognizing every other conceivable group (mothers of preschoolers, homeschoolers, empty nesters, men, those who served in overseas missions) but not acknowledging singles (except to hopefully marry them off) leads to exclusion. And that exclusion will, and does, drive singles out of the church.

Emphasizing family isn’t a bad thing, of itself, but the Church needs to remember being single and/or childless does not mean you don’t need ministering from the church (and it also doesn’t mean that every single person is merely passing time until they get married).

Of course, the church does seem to be light on addressing sexual sin… it seems members want to see couples together but they don’t really care what they are doing. There needs to be more force and accountability in this area… I so agree.

Phylicia

I haven’t read “The Game” but I can see how if you approach the person as a number or merely for what it gets you, it would be hard to keep your respect for that person. Even harder to keep in mind that it is a person you are dealing with.

Religion and moral values are things that are close to our hearts, which should make it more imperitive that we discuss it early, but instead we wait to expose ourselves that way. I think that is human nature – I don’t want to give you something to hurt me with, whether that is through disagreement or laughter or confusion.

Do we miss something? Maybe. Like I said, I don’t judge people based on their past. With that being said, I have IMMENSE respect for girls that hold on to their virginity. It would definitely be a positive thing.

I think the girl thinks “If I act too prude he’ll dump me before he gets a chance to know me, but I don’t want to look easy either. Best not to discuss it and see what happens.”

As for the guy… There’s a lot of freaking pressure. I don’t date as often as I should simply because I hate it. You would think it would feel less awkward over time, but it doesn’t. You still make us all jittery inside . We just learn to hide it better.

The only exception is the “Pick Up Artists”. Frankly if you read “The Game” by Neil Strauss he flat out admits that he lost his respect for women in the process. I’d rather be able to respect the face staring back at me when I look in the mirror…

So put frankly… We’re too busy trying to be charming and make you laugh. Discussing religion and moral values is dangerous territory that we work to avoid!

I like that you don’t judge others, and it is important who they are today.

I wonder if we miss something though by not discussing this or if it is better left to a later in the relationship discussion

We don’t talk about it.

I’m in my mid-twenties and I’m a virgin. When I’m on a date I don’t mention anything either way. She’ll come to whatever assumption she wants to arrive at.

I don’t judge others based on their sexual history. I’m interested in who they are today.