The Christian Church has lost some of its footing in the storm of moral and truth relativism that is sweeping the country. Why? We don’t stand firm on the principles set out by God in the Bible. One such issue is sexual purity.
Sex pervades our culture, and we are daily saturated in sexual innuendo and sexual imagery. Yet, the Church, who rightly champions against certain sexual sins (homosexuality, abortion), still remains silent on many of the sexual issues plaguing the Church and country. Birth control, pre-marital sex, divorce, living together, hook-ups and teenage pregnancy touch all American lives in one way or another.
In fact, we are at the point where it is nearly universally assumed that a person out of college has sexual experience. If one should by chance hit their mid-twenties without such experience, the individual is thought “odd” by society for maintaining their virginity.
Our God had a lot to say about sex, as the Creator and Gifter of sex, it is no wonder He has rules about it that need to be followed. First, sex is a gift given to us, but like any complex gift, it has directions to be followed (Ex. 20:14; 1 Cor 6:18).
God wants us to enjoy sex within the confines of marriage to one person (Gen 1:28; 1 Cor. 7:9). Marriage, as defined by God, is between a man and a woman (Gen. 2:24). In this type of relationship, there is no shame (Gen 2:25).
Outside marriage, sex is forbidden (Ex. 20:14; 1 Cor. 6:18; 1Thes. 4:3-6 Eph 5:3; Col. 3:5) While this may seem harsh to some, the practical effects of ignoring this advice surround us. Sex creates a bond between individuals and when we ignore that fact, we reap the consequences. Men and women are created with differences.
For women, sex has a significant emotional component and women attempt to use sex to bind men to them emotionally. How many women have sex simply because she believes if she doesn’t put out, she’ll lose the man? Popular culture wrestles with this in the discussion of what date should you expect sex – put out too soon, you’re a tramp; but wait too long, and you’re a prude.
For men, sexual jealousy seems to be a bigger issue. At what point can you expect her to stop flirting with or seeing other guys? And do you have to stop seeing other women at the same point? Even today, it is less socially acceptable for women to have several simultaneous male partners than it is for men to have several simultaneous female partners.
Sexual revolution? For whom? We have sex without consequences for men. Women will always have consequences whether through pregnancy, chemical issues due to birth control or the higher incidence for sexually transmitted disease. We have men and women living together who barely know each other’s full name. We share sheets with someone before we would share important financial information. We use surgery to fix a problem that could be avoided through self-control, commitment, prophylactics or chemicals.
Christ’s Church does a poor job avoiding the same pitfalls. Obviously, the Church should treat those who repent from sexual sins with grace as a sexual sin is not any worse than another sin.
But we should discuss sex with our young people, and explain the pitfalls. We should not allow people living in sexual sin to serve in the church until that sin has been repented. We should strive to help marriages be successful and offer help to those couples who are struggling. The divorce rate for Christians should not be higher than that of the rest of society, as it is now.
We should reach out to singles and provide opportunities for them to both minister and be ministered to, not leaving them to the sidelines in a family centered church frenzy.
Most importantly, we must hold fast to the whole of the Biblical principles. Not just picking and choosing the things we like, and ignoring the things we don’t like. Otherwise, we reinforce the smorgasbord theology.
Very good post! I totally agree. On the last part, it is true that the church is family centered, but I think it should stay that way. I have found that singles tend to walk in thinking that they need to be ‘appreciated’ when really they need to reach out and involve themselves, not seek to be involved by other people. Being single, I have struggled with this mentality and have found my purpose in being the one who seeks others out.
Of course, the church does seem to be light on addressing sexual sin… it seems members want to see couples together but they don’t really care what they are doing. There needs to be more force and accountability in this area… I so agree.
Phylicia
I agree singles should get involved in ministry, but I also think churches need to be thoughtful of the ministries they offer.
For example, I’ve been in churches that have so much emphasis on mothers or wives like a “mother’s tea” (which excludes the childless) or a “Couples” event (which excludes singles, widows, divorced etc), that one would be left to believe that one of the 10 commandments is to get married and have a kid, or else!
By recognizing every other conceivable group (mothers of preschoolers, homeschoolers, empty nesters, men, those who served in overseas missions) but not acknowledging singles (except to hopefully marry them off) leads to exclusion. And that exclusion will, and does, drive singles out of the church.
Emphasizing family isn’t a bad thing, of itself, but the Church needs to remember being single and/or childless does not mean you don’t need ministering from the church (and it also doesn’t mean that every single person is merely passing time until they get married).
You have some good points. But I have a background in this area as well: I have visited seventeen churches within my area and out of state when my former church fell apart. As a single woman, I found that rather than seeking to be ministered to, I had to step out and minister myself, and that brought me my fulfillment. Women who were married were quite willing to allow a single woman to join them in events, as most church ladies are.
Churches enjoy, I think, seeing their congregants get married and have children, but that kind of attitude is inevitable and also commendable. I would much rather the church advocate family and marriage, encouraging singles that direction, than to buy into the career-woman mentality of our culture today. But whatever the church may say, it truly comes down to the attitude of the single attendee. If her attitude is that she is being ‘excluded’, then she will always view herself as being treated that way; however if her attitude is focused on serving others in whatever venues the church offers, she won’t have the feeling of exclusion because she is not thinking about herself — something today’s Christian and non-Christian single are very accomplished in.